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Private Utopia

by Terra Moya

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1.
i arose from indefinite slumber to discover a world at its end they’re expecting an infinite summer revelation is just round the bend turn away you’ve still got bills to pay wish i could seize the day but it got me first television, it tells me sweet nothings intuition is screaming “we’re dead!” ask not what you can do for your country how did these people get into my head? all’s not lost get out and join the mob we’ve still got phones to dial but nobody’s home i’ve been a fool to believe the things they asked me to why? it’s too easy tell me the truth i can’t tell the difference anymore why? it’s a lie i fall asleep in the shadows of giants i live in dreams of the time i was young since when did hate have a home to reside in? since when did i lose the right to be numb? i ran away to a primitive future hiding under an alternative rock i pray that i can evolve into someone whose existence isn’t easily bought dream of love when you get tired enough i’ve just been doing my job time to resign
2.
just cause you object that don’t mean it’s conscientious as much as you might like to believe feeling bad for someone’s a way of doing nothing while still feeling like part of the team bandwagon is headed for the cliff i don’t have the courage to jump though we might be stuck in the zoo at least they simulated our habitat once in awhile i don’t catch myself being full of shit and i fall into line i’m a man and i matter and you won’t mind if i talk out of turn about something i hadn’t considered until you said a word and my ancestry became activated thought i really loved it until i caught the wind carrying the catastrophic reviews petty disagreements with liberal elitists we’re gonna need a bigger canoe with as much free will as the weather i decided to make a choice never to go out on a limb unless a bionic replacement was cheap you found me frozen i was focus-grouped to oblivion like a rat out of sewer i was chased by the cat of my consciousness who clawed at the future like it wasn’t worth looking forward to ‘til you put a suture on the time i was wasting thinking about lost time bandwagon is headed for the cliff i don’t have the courage to jump so i’m counting on you to push me it’s easier said than it’s—
3.
temper tantrum tuesdays, the tradition is alive in the tender architecture of a treaty with your mind cause when a stale strain of solitude settles down in your soul a simple calculation tells you all you need to know: that you’re alone in the universe like everybody else all the better reason to keep that shit to yourself but like a doctor who shows up to a house call in a hearse you remind everybody that it can’t always be worse meet me in the moonlight bring a sacrifice cemetery sweet talk keeps me up all night I shake my fist at every void that’s moved into my neighborhood make sense of the madness puzzle at the plot sneak into my daydreams only to be shot by car alarms and christmas cards undercover cops off duty discontinued children donate someone else’s blood sitting on a jet ski waiting patiently for flood they fall in love with the pharmacist and keep on falling ill stand in line for hours playing percussion with pills you’re a counter-service creature whose been forced to wait the floor the world’s smallest violin has really struck a chord if the hostage situation has the best pizza in town then where can i catch stockholm syndrome before bonds come down? palm trees on the hellscape holograms and trash photogenic strangers want their money back i’m banking on the poverty of gurus in the simulation picture me in pi-charts, body parts and poems guts and aspirations, moments spent alone with no one to police me here i’ve left no sleazy stone unturned
4.
Mexico 03:19
You got a room with a view, a space by the pool, travel vacation to Mexico. Laughing out loud, there’s no time for the crowd, time to escape from the casserole. So hey chief would you mind, if I waste another minute of your precious time? I’ll laugh at every one of your jokes, as long as we don’t drink with your folks. His ascot, attention to style, and his Manhattan smile. Loving his life as a naturalist. But if the right pattern exists, I’d reckon he would insist, on tying you up in is handkerchief. So you kid step right up. Pick a prize and try your luck. There’s no point in holding my hand, for reasons that you won’t understand. But I acted like a fool my love. And you never really were supposed to know. If I never asked you’d have never known the truth. If I never asked you’d have never known who’s who. So come catch an arrogant lie, and in the blink of an eye he had control. Since the last time we spoke, I changed quite a lot, And I know what I’m not, And your entertainment is boring me. But I acted like a fool my love. And you never really were supposed to know. If I never asked you’d have never known the truth. If I never asked you’d have never known who’s who.
5.
Silencer 03:35
the more i aim only to impress the less entertaining i get i don’t think i’ve actually meant anything that i’ve ever said don’t record i can’t be seen living the american dream all you ever come here to do document the beautiful view from every mobile home gone into orbit around the safety zone does anybody out there buy this shit? well then again i guess they must i looked up the weather online instead of just stepping outside it’s not easy to keep it real when your facade earned you more followers than jesus had just like all your imaginary friends they’re on the hunt to catch another trend while i suppress my jealousy though they might like, they never love soon you’ll be forgotten for some fragrant fluff though they may watch, they still don’t care you’ve already vanished into skinny air i can’t deny i still love you just not in any way i’d put in a song all of the crimes i’ve committed i turned my silencer on press record, i need to be seen living the american dream but make sure i seem to condemn all i’m participating in
6.
time to surrender to bad poetry if it’s what i need to spell out for you, i’d gladly be a sellout time to prescribe to ancient medicine if it’s what i need to swallow to tame my disappearing wild i can’t remember before holiday oh well, it must have been torture why should i memorize an eyesore? i can’t remember before honeymoon oh well, it can’t have been that good if i tried so damn hard to be close to cool all the while thinking of myself as nobody’s fool when the truth was i needed some help and it came from you so i’ll compromise if i’ve got to i won’t be myself if myself is too stubborn to move night falls, day breaks morning cleans it up we’ll stay on script again, won’t we? cause cancellation can be lonely time flies into turbines every time i try to stay in the moment i try to tell you i love you so and if it ever seems like i don’t punch me in the nose cause the truth is i’d go it alone if you weren’t the woman for me the truth is i’d love to be free
7.
was number one until he came along wanted a son i’ve never been so wrong you would agree if you could see the psychopathic way he looks at me she is oblivious, can’t see he’s dangerous constantly lies, hates lullabies his only skill is knowing when to cry she doesn’t mind, lets him run wild has no idea he’s a criminal child in the past, we could go on a vacation on a whim, never need a reservation now it’s all trying to get a babysitter five weeks in advance can’t complain, if I do i’m a pariah fake a smile, wanna set myself on fire if this is all the love i’m supposed to feel it seems a lot like hate i was young, i was free thinking only of me now i barely exist pushed to the bottom of her list no one warned me that i could kiss my life goodbye as soon as his began this is not according to plan it’s not the woman i know to bow down to a tyrant it’s not the woman i met to give her life up to a boy it’s not the woman i know to leave me out in the cold it’s not the woman i love to forget that i need love to we were young, we were free as in love as could be now we barely exist more like business associates no one warned me that i could kiss my life goodbye as soon as his began this is not according to plan
8.
Little Wrong 03:40
opened the door and dropped my jaw on the floor when i first saw your face hour of television, leftovers in the fridge, be back by eight i just couldn’t keep you off my mind all night i tried my best to hide it from my better side thanked you for everything my darling, i can’t believe he’s fast asleep girl, you’re a keeper can we do this again, maybe even next week? dear, now that we’re alone let’s keep the night alive i tried my best to see you when i closed my eyes maybe when she’s out of town you could come watch him while i wait it out maybe when he’s gone to bed we could get talking ‘til it’s you instead i know that it’s a dangerous game i think i might have gone insane but still, i never had the chance to see how much good fun a little wrong could be
9.
Miracle Dude 03:39
you say that he loves you, but he’s never seen you at your worst you say he can save you, but from what you cannot say for sure well, of course i’m not jealous, he’s been dead for centuries but for anyone but you love, you don’t see me getting on my knees so why then is it alright when you keep on talking about miracle dude? i’m not taking our children to the church every sunday morn if I wanted to raise sheep i would’ve worked on a farm i know that you’re worried that I’ll end up in a pit of fire but i’m concerned for you too, love cause you’re putting your faith in a lie so why then can’t i voice what i feel if its alright when you preach during meals? when i ask you to take a closer look you ignore me and you open your book no, we don’t really matter and i know that truth can hurt when the illusion shatters and your parents go berserk but it gets a lot better once when you don’t have to believe when you’re rushing for heaven you forget to live and breathe
10.
never wanted to be like the others but i can’t even look at my mother now they all see me as pure evil if you give me a chance i can stop but not while i get stoned at the stocks every day is only a death delay i could live out in the woods where it’s all understood fake my own death and escape the mob that’s on its way it’s not my fault i was born with this burden all my life i’ve been behind a curtain can’t you see? what a sad thing to be if you give me a chance i can change but not while i get burned at the stake every night they come to feed the fire there’s still some good buried deep if you dare to believe i’ve lived in terrible sin but that’s not who i am long nights spent in a trance longing for what? call it romance i fight my other selves sickness and health heaven and hell i deserve all your disdain but i still have a name like you i was once a child the world came to defile
11.
it’s my birthday i’ll die if i want to graveyard girls, take my by the hand lead me into the backrooms of heaven goodbye world, hello neverland lost my skin, found my soul diving into the darkness no more makeshift mirages or bullshit horizons in sight it’s my party bring your own poison your good god cannot tag along play that song bout how youth lasts forever while i force smoke into my lungs i don’t care anymore if i’m not being honest it’s the end of the world and you’re looking incredibly fine what a shame to leave behind my forever peaceless mind but every dog has its day isn’t that what people say? see me in a blade of grass or in the clouds as they pass if it makes me seem alive but i promise i’ll be fine here doing nothing
12.
Utopia 05:06
late at night i learned how to levitate peered into a parallel twist of fate thought i’d always return no way that bridge ever burns news broke like a rogue wave on the coast of what i considered possible washing away all signs of our private utopia can’t believe i chose to crawl out of the sea only to pollute all the air i breathe back to being a fish maybe good will come of this i could finally write my masterpiece i could spend the week in mozambique but i couldn’t care less anymore all my aspirations are a bore i just wanna come home, see your face want for nothing more guess i just assumed i’d left these feelings in my teenage tomb but then you go and storm out of the room and my good judgment quickly gets consumed i say that i’m so different from the rest but no one ever put me to the test until you asked me ego to undress you saw my worst because you knew me best

credits

released April 2, 2019

Music by Wait Wait:

Drums- Sam Hall
Guitar- Jasper Brokaw
Keyboards- Mitchell Schaumberg
Vocals & Bass- Dylan Delmonico

Mixed & Mastered by Sam Hall

Cover Art by Vinh Pham

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Terra Moya Portland, Oregon

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